- Get him! - C'mon.
- Hit him! - Hit him!
That's the way to hit somebody, Jenkins. Way to go.
Coach, would ya put my kid in? We waited all game for this.
Douglas!
You're in at tailback.
It's OK, coach. You don't have to play me.
- What? - Everybody plays, Douglas. Come on.
But with the game on the line and all...
We're up by 30. Now let's go.
- C'mon, buddy! - All right.
Get in. Come on, Josh. Come on, buddy. Get in there. C'mon.
- Sorry, coach. - That's what I gotta deal with.
Show 'em what you can do. Show 'em what you can do.
The other team's afraid. I can smell it!
And a hot dog. And a poodle.
I run. Twenty-four dive, I run.
- Ready? Break! - Break!
- All right! - Where? I go?
What the?
Douglas! Tailback!
Tail! Behind the fullback!
Back up! Back up! Back up!
Back! Back, back, back, back, back! Right there!
Stay right there!
Set! Hut!
- Block him! - Here it comes!
You got the ball! Run! Run!
Man! That's gotta hurt.
Hustle!
Attaboy, Josh. Come on! Shake it off.
Pain is just fear leavin' your body, buddy.
You completely suck, Douglas.
Why do you even show up? Everybody thinks you're a loser.
Thanks, pal.
Wish I could buy you an ice cream.
But I've got paws and don't have a wallet,
because I'm actually nude right now.
Football? That's why you're not trying out?
You hate football!
I know, but my dad loves it.
You should hear him. "You're gonna be just like your old man."
If I told him I wanted to do a musical instead,
he'd, like, write me off as a son.
Josh.
Josh, is your father a stupid man?
No. But he is clueless,
- which, in some ways, is better. - Oh, boy.
See, he told me I could only play if I keep my grades up.
So I started flunking math. But he only let me off with a warning.
So now I gotta flunk English
and maybe history and home ec,
which is actually really hard to fail.
No, Josh.
So, you'd rather wreck your future than tell your dad you hate football?
I can get my grades back up, as long as he makes me quit in time.
Wow.
Men are so complicated.
- Come on. - How did I let this happen?
What kind of a father am I?
So? What do you think of the new pamphlet?
It's infuriating.
No, but in a good way.
Makes me wanna get out and do something about animal testing.
That's the response I was hoping for.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, what're you doin' in my daughter's bedroom?
You rock.
Don't even think about it, Trey.
Shaggy, stop.
What's that?
- That's well-done. - Admit it,
- this is more effective than a tattoo. - One thing I learned from Mr. Forrester
is that because something seems ridiculous
doesn't mean that it's wrong.
It just takes more courage to stand up for it.
Wow, you really believe all of this.
I am so proud of you.
- Shaggy, stop. - All right. Down, boy.
Hey, easy on the hands, bud.
Imagine what would have happened
if we hadn't stolen Shaggy from Grant & Strictland.
You what? Stolen?!
You stole a dog from Grant & Strictland, and you lied about it.
Shaggy. Shaggy, c'mon.
C'mon. Go fetch. C'mon, boy.
I am not your boy, I'm not gonna...
- Go fetch. - I'll be right back.
I've got to stop doing that.
Keep goin'.
What? Why're you lookin' at me like that?
Hey, you're pretty darned good at this.
Hey, let's order some pizza. Mom and Dad are out to dinner.
Dinner. Oh, no.
I forgot about our anniversary!
You should have brought a book.
The single woman's best friend.
I'm not single.
Yet.
I'm late, I'm late, I'm so late. I am so late.
I'm also a dog.
So I can't go in there.
You are so beautiful.
Shaggy?
And I am so sorry, honey.
Happy anniversary.
It's me.
I cannot believe that you stood me up for our anniversary dinner.
And then you send the dog with roses in his mouth?
Are you trying to push me away?
We need to talk, but...
I don't know how we're gonna get past this one.
What?
Goodbye.
Honey, no. Please don't cry.
It didn't used to be like this, Shaggy.
He used to be here for everything.
And if he couldn't be, then he would call,
or he would send a note or flowers, or he'd...
Sometimes he would write these...
These funny little rhymes.
Oh, Shaggy.
Don't you cry too.
Is this how it ends?
With him God-knows-where and me hugging the dog?
No. I'm gonna figure out what happened to me,
and I'm gonna fix it.
And I'm gonna be a better man. I promise.
I love you.
Don't pee in the car, OK? We're almost home.
Hey, thanks, honey.
Oh, boy.
This is just not workin'.
I'm not a bad dog.
But I'm a terrible man.
I've got to make this better.
Hey, Ken, thanks for s...
Hey, Dave. It's three in the morning,
and you want a warrant to search Grant & Strictland.
- Right. - They're the victims.
No. Listen. You gotta trust me on this.
Kozak is hidin' somethin'. Forrester was framed for that arson.
If Forrester was framed, why did he throw in the towel?
What? What're you talking about?
Forrester pleaded out.
Why didn't somebody tell me that?
- 'Cause you're off the case. - You can't do this.
The jury convenes at ten to hear Forrester's plea. I'll handle it.
And I want you either to get your head screwed on straight
or find another job. Is that clear?
Abundantly clear. However, the point I had to...
- What's gotten into them? - I don't know.
Boy.
Can't...
That's not gonna work.
I'm too big.
Hey, you. Hold on a second. Do me a favor.
All right? Here.
All right. Throw the stick, over there.
Why would I throw the stick?
Just throw the stick, please.
Why would I throw the stick?
Because I'll give you $5 to throw the stick.
Oh, I look like a guy who needs 5 bucks.
Gimme the money.
- Speed or distance? - Distance.
It's so close. It's close.
This time, throw it
and... and yell, "Fetch!"
Don't make me bite ya.
Fetch!
Wow. I can't believe that worked. Thanks!
Drop the stick.
All right. Perfect. Nice fit.
That's it, follow your nose.
Wait a minute. What's that smell?
What is it? Oh, it's me.
The transistor.
The microchip. The artificial heart.
All footnotes compared to this.
Bingo.
- What's happening? - He's going into shock.
It's the serum. It doesn't work.
- What do we do? - Of course it works.
I just didn't give it to him.
- What have you done to him? - Lance? Lance?
I'm so sorry that I had to do this to you,
but I just couldn't let you take all the credit again.
And plus, you're a pig, and I hate you.
I hate you in so many ways.
Can you hold this for a second?
Get rid of it, accomplice.
But is he... dead?
No, he's not dead. He's fully conscious, but he's unable to speak.
Doctors will think it's dementia.
The drug itself will wear off in a few months.
But by then I'll be CEO,
and I will be fabulously,
insanely, unimaginably wealthy.
- This was not part of the plan. - This is totally wrong.
Of course, I'll cut both of you in on his share.
- I'm cool with that. - It's fine by me.
Good. Larry, why don't you wheel him up to his office,
park him at his desk.
Or should I say, my desk?
Oh, boy. Gotta get outta here.
Go, go, go, go, go!
- What was that? - What was that?
I knew Kozak was up to something.
Carly was right about everything. Forrester was framed.
Looks like I'm walkin'.
- Wow. - That's somethin'.
That's... Wow. Do you realize the significance of that?
Wow. You think?
Yeah, I think it's mildly significant. Unfortunately, it's on tape.
So we...
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
You are going to pay Mr. Douglas a visit.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
No, not my babies. Not my darlings.
Oh, evil.
These hooligans!
Where's Trey? We're gonna be late for school.
Shoulda gotten a ride from Mom.
What's the matter?
Do you realize what's happening?
Mom and Dad are splitting up.
How do you know?
Josh, it's obvious.
- Shaggy. - I just witnessed an attempted murder.
Carly, you were right about everything.
An innocent man is about ready to go to jail. I gotta take a nap.
Don't wake me unless I'm human.
I mean, did you see that note he left?
"I'll explain everything"? We're gonna get the talk.
What talk?
The "Mom and Dad are having problems" talk.
Then Dad'll leave.
They'll say it's temporary, but it won't be.
Are you sure you're not just drama-queening?
Josh, he didn't even come home last night.
But if you ask me,
he stopped caring a long time before that.
No, no, no, no. No, that's not it.
No, no, no.
Shaggy.
Shaggy, would you stop making such a?
That's impossible.
Finally.
How?
- Grant & Strictland? - Yes.
Mr. Forrester said they were making mutant animals,
and... and that's where I found Shaggy.
And Shaggy bit Dad.
- Oh, Daddy! - It's OK, kiddo. It's OK.
I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
Can you please forgive me?
There's nothin' to forgive.
I'm gonna go call Mom.
So, you saw the game yesterday?
Yeah.
I didn't want to let you down, but I'm just no good.
No, no, no, no, no, no. You are good.
Come on, come on.
Josh? This...
There we go. Lemme get in here.
Do this. This is what you love.
'Cause if you keep playin' football, you're gonna get hurt.
Thanks, Dad.
And somethin' else.
I know, I know.
- Deal? - It's a deal.
Mom, it's Carly.
Call me back as soon as you get this message. Bye.
Did you hear that? Did you hear that?
Somebody's peein' on the lawn!
Nobody makes it on my lawn and gets away with it!
I'm gonna...
Clean up on aisle three.
Price check on dog biscuits.
OK. Hi, Mr. Douglas.
- Who are you? - How are ya?
Wait a second. I don't...
I don't feel so good.
- Dad! - Dad! Daddy!
- Hit it. - Yeah, OK.
I'm sorry you're a dog. I am.
Also, very sorry that you won't be leaving here alive.
People will be wondering where you've disappeared to.
Then again...
...dogs do wander off.
I can't believe you think you're gonna get away with this.
Nonetheless, before you die,
we're going to want to run some tests on you.
Eenie, meenie, minie, cut you, hurt you, ow,
your nose is coming off.
Because we just don't understand how you turned into him.
I'm very excited.
I can't wait to get inside that body of yours and just poke around.
Oh, you filthy little mongrel!
- That wasn't very nice. - That hurt, didn't it?
Gonna have to work on that attitude when I get back.
Meanwhile, we are gonna run upstairs for a minute.
It seems Dr. Strictland is having a bit of a health crisis.
And after that, we're off to court
to watch Justin Forrester back down to save his own skin.
Be back to cut you up like a birthday cake later.
Who are you, anyway?
Tibet. Really.
Well, let me ask you this:
Why did you bite me?
And turning me into a dog would help you... how?
I guess you didn't think about that, did you?
Well, I turn into a human when I sleep, but there's no time for that now.
There's gotta be another way.
Meditation?
- Hey, sorry I'm late. - Get in and drive.
- What's wrong with you? - Dad's been dognapped. Go, go!
Inhale, exhale.
I got to get my heart rate down.
I'm on a beach.
Inhale, exhale.
Surrounded by fire hydrants.
Food everywhere.
Slow rolling waves of gravy,
crashing onto the shore.
The beached whale made of peanut butter.
It worked.
It worked. Great.
I'm back. It's good, it's good.
New problem. New problem.
Yeah. I've got to get those keys.
Now if I could just get over there.
OK. Yeah. Go. Go.
Go.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no...
Oh, boy. OK.
Who's got a plan?
Snake! Do they have ears?
Can you hear me?
Don't need to show that hood at me.
You better watch 'cause it's gonna fall over. All right, monkey.
Sorry, chimp. You gotta push.
On three, ready?
One, two, three. Push!
Harder this time. One, two, three. Push!
I need some help from the rabbits. You gotta hop into this.
One, two, three. Hop!
Ya almost got it. Ya almost got it.
One more time. We got a big one. Here we go.
One, two, three. Hop!
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yo, snake! Walk, skirt...
Do what... You know, slither.
Go, go, go. Come on. Come on, come on, come on.
Yeah, yeah. Thattaboy, thattaboy!
Do you see where it is?
'Course you do. Perfect.
Stretch. Reach up.
Up there, up there.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
Beautiful.
Yes! We're outta here!
Up, up.
Yes! You're next.
Follow the dog.
All right. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Up there. Go!
Take care of the rabbit.
Get it? Help him out.
Easy, easy. Come here.
Good. There you... Come on. Go, go, go.
Come here. Come here. Come on.
Come here.
Jeez. What have you been eatin'?
Sorry about that. All right, up here. Up here. Up...
Boy, you're heavy for a snake.
Come on.
Yeah. That's creepy. That's...
That's creepy. All right.
It's a left, a left, a right and a left.
Just go towards the light. I'll meet you guys out there.
- Nice. - Thank you.
There he is! Look!
Come here! Come on, Dad! Come on!
Come on, let's go!
We won't let them get away with it. Don't worry.
That's right, Dad.
You know, you guys seem like nice young people with great futures.
You know that I'm the deputy district attorney.
Kidnapping is a capital crime.
You just can't lock people in cages, guys.
Yeah, there's a definite... line we're crossing here.
We crossed that line a long time ago, Larry.
Deal with it.
You're not gonna get away with this.
Now...
...you be a good little doggy and do just what we say.
Doesn't feel so good to get zapped, does it? Attaboy, chimp!
Good, now get over here and get me out of here.
Come on. Put that thing down.
Please don't be mad, Daddy.
Don't worry, Dad. We're gonna take you to Mom and explain everything.
He's really angry.
All right. We gotta go.
Do you know which way the door is?
All right. Good, good, good. Which way?
Are you sure?
I like the dark travertine better. What do you think?
I agree. I'll push for that one.
- Yeah. - OK, good.
Could you just excuse me for a minute? I...
Oh, yeah, sure.
It's tough bein' a single mom.
I'm not a single mom.
Mom, we need to talk.
Why aren't you guys in school? And why is Shaggy here?
It's not a dog. It's Dad.
I thought we were going to break it to her slowly.
Grant & Strictland's been doing these weird animal tests.
So when Shaggy bit Dad, he turned into a dog.
- Carly, that's not possible. - It's true.
It... The computer.
The other night, he was typing on the computer.
Come on, Dad. Type Mom a message.
Come on.
Come on. Do it like you did the other night.
Come on. You know, like this.
Just one sentence. "I am Dad."
How 'bout just "Dad"?
Kids...
...I know that these last couple days have been difficult, but...
- Hello? - Hi, honey, it's me.
It's your father.
Wow. So many questions.
Do you know why the kids are at my office with Shaggy?
He's not Shaggy. His name is Khyi Yag Po.
Khyi Yag who?
Po, that's his real name.
You know, how did the kids find him? That's weird.
That is not the only thing that's weird.
No, not that. You oughta see what I'm lookin' at.
They're trying to tell me that he is you.
Stop that! What are you doing?
- What? - Stop doing that. You, quiet down.
He's not... Guys, guys, guys, guys! He's not me.
Well, yes, I gathered that.
But they're half right. Look, I'll meet you at the courthouse,
and I'll explain everything to ya.
- I think you better explain it now. - Well, I can't explain...
Hold on a sec. I can't. The chimp. What? Excuse me. The monkey...
- Hello? - What is it?
The chimp... The chimp? The chimp has got sunglasses on.
He's supposed to be giving me directions.
Honey, you gotta believe me.
- I'll meet you at the courthouse. - What?
Just meet me at the courthouse and bring me some clothes, OK?
- Dave! - Watch the rat!
I love you! Everybody, calm down!
Dave!
What's the matter with you? How come you can't act like the snake here?
He wants us to meet at the courthouse with a change of clothes.
- I don't get it. - It doesn't make any sense.
Two days ago,
when your father came home in the middle of the night,
he tried to convince me that...
...he'd turned into a dog.
- Let's go to the courthouse. - Come on, come on.
That's my Norah Jones CD.
You can play it if you want. Play it.
Or throw it out of the car. Why'd you do that?
Everybody watch out, watch out!
We're all done?
It's OK. Yeah, it's all right.
I know, I saw it coming.
All rise for the Honorable Judge Whittaker.
Be seated and come to order.
All right. I gotta go, guys.
You guys stay here. All of you stay here.
Look, look. I'll be right back. Don't talk to anybody.
Don't play the music, and...
You're in charge.
To infinity and beyond!
Do you guys think he's really coming?
I don't know, kids.
Wait, look!
Daddy? Is that you?
It's me, kiddo.
But it can't be.
He's a dog.
Would a dog say this:
What did you say?
- Oh, honey. - You got it.
I love you too.
I love you.
It's weird for me too. But it is me.
That was cool.
And I'm real sorry about everything. I'm really sorry.
I'll make it up to all of you. But right now, I've got a trial to stop.
- Mr. Douglas? - Yeah.
No, I can't go.
- Everyone's gonna need therapy. - Good luck, honey.
Counselors, you may proceed.
Your Honor, at this time, my client would like to change his plea.
Hold everything, please. Hold everything.
Kozak, sit.
Mr. Douglas, it is my understanding
that you are no longer on this case.
- That is exactly right, Your Honor. - I understand that.
If I could just have a few moments with my associate.
It's very important.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Give me a chance. Give me one more chance. I will not disappoint you.
Stay, Kozak!
You gotta trust me.
If you ever trusted me, you gotta trust me this minute.
He's back on, Your Honor.
We...
Let's get Kozak back on the stand one more time. Let me handle it.
We'd like to recall Dr. Kozak to the stand.
Dr. Kozak, would you please return to the stand.
I'd be... delighted.
Counselor, you are on a very short leash.
This court has lost all patience with ridiculous behavior.
Your Honor, just because something looks ridiculous doesn't mean it's not true.
Just takes more courage to believe in it.
Just don't let your courage get itself kicked out of my courtroom.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Dr. Kozak, may I remind you you are still under oath.
Yes, you may.
Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is workin' on a drug
that will extend human life like a hundred years?
I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
Of course you're not. But if that were true,
that would be a pretty big deal, right?
"Were true," which it is not, probably.
And whoever was in charge of developing such a thing...
Not only would they be insanely wealthy,
they would be immortalized in history, right?
Yes, I suppose they would.
Wow. Wow. What a thrill it must be
to work under Dr. Strictland.
'Scuse me.
Dr. Strictland, the creative force at your company, right?
Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the higher...
Yes, yes, yes, yes. But what an honor it must be
to work in Dr. Strictland's shadow.
I don't work in anyone's shadow. I wouldn't. I couldn't live with myself.
Nothing wrong with being in second place.
Second fiddle, second banana, second up.
I am the chief scientist.
I, me, mine!
Come on. Gettin' kinda agitated. What's up, dog?
Pick up a little virus down there in the lab?
Must be something going around.
No more growling. Mr. Douglas, I have had enough.
He stole a dog from China, stuck needles in it
and almost killed this thing for his experiments.
- Not! - The witness is not on trial.
- Thank you. - You put your boss in a coma.
Escort Mr. Douglas out of the courtroom.
You set that fire to cover your crime! He set that fire, you're trying...
You're trying to frame Forrester for it!
- I've seen that monkey that barks! - Enough!
They've got this rabbit they taught how to fetch! He does!
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, disregard everything Mr. Douglas said.
Hey! Kozak! Kozak! Kozak! Go fetch!
Sorry, things are a little stressy at work,
long hours and the like. What?
What?
If that isn't evidence of genetic mutation, I don't know what is!
On second thought, take him into custody.
For what?
Shufflin' around a little DNA?
Don't you realize I can make us immortal?
Animals don't care. They don't understand what's goin' on!
Don't tell me they don't understand. Animals understand. I know different.
Yeah, you know.
This isn't over. We got so much in common.
Let's stay in touch, huh?
Are we goin' outside?
I owe you an apology.
You got this one right, after all.
Thank you, Ken.
I don't even wanna know how that car got here.
- Would? - All right, boss,
I want you to set up a trust fund to help my animal friends.
- Keep 'em off the highway. - Absolutely.
After today, ace, you're a shoo-in to get elected DA.
Take your kudos.
I have some more important people to talk to.
- I'll see ya. - Dave, congratulations on the case.
Thank you very much. No, thank... Know what?
I will have a prepared statement from my office. Thank you.
Hey.
You made a great dog, Dad.
But you're gonna make an even better DA.
Carly, it means the world to me to hear you say that.
It really does.
Josh, listen.
It took the eyes of a dog for me to see
that I made it hard for you to tell the truth.
The truth is, son, whatever you love
I'm gonna love and support too.
Thanks, Dad.
Hey.
Brace yourself for the old dog in your new man.
Yeah. Get out that new bikini.
We are goin'... to Oahu.
Oahu. I love you.
I love you too.
Just like I promised.
Hey, you guys, check it out!
What's that? Will you look at that.
Look at that. Hey, folks, that is a 300-year-old dog shootin' a curl.
Attaboy!
Oh, I wish he didn't have to go back to Tibet.
Yeah.
Hey, Dad! Catch!
I got it!